Anniversary coming up

This is the permanent urn we decided to get for Abby. On 4/7, we plan on transferring her ashes to the urn. Right now, they are still in the box we got from the funeral home. The urn came with super glue to seal it forever, and it came with a candle, so that we could use the wax to seal it temporarily. We haven't decided what we are going to do yet.

Visiting Family

We had a great time with our family this past week. We had a birthday party for Abigail at my sister's house. We decided to release a balloon in memory of Abby.

These new pictures are some that Jenn's mom had on her camera.

First Birthday coming up

Jenn and I are getting ready to come back East for a little vacation. Our friend Mike is getting married in Scranton, PA on the 18th. My birthday is the 17th, Jenn's is the 25th, and Abby's is the 24th. So we decided it would be good idea to make a 10 day trip out of everything.

It will be nice to be with family during that time. I can't believe our little girl was born a year ago. We both still have very strong feelings about everything. I'm not sure how difficult the 24th will be, but I'm glad we will be with our family.

The Tribute

This is the video we played at Abby's memorial.

Our Garden Bricks

These are the bricks we donated to the Children's Garden at the hospital.

We had another Brief Encounters meeting last night. It was good. We are both still really upset and pissed off that Abby died. I know she will always be with us. Sometimes I talk to her, like she is my guardian angel.

We met with Dr. King and Tami, the case manager, yesterday to go over the autopsy results. He was very compassionate and nice. As is often the case, there was no definitive reason that he could say why Abigail died. They didn't find any formula or anything like that in her lungs, so she didn't aspirate. Most likely, something from her stomach (or some other reason) caused her larynx to spasm and constrict. He used the terms "a silent struggle," which didn't make me feel too good. But, he confirmed that there was nothing that we could have done differently or could have predicted. He also said it was possible her heart had some sort of rhythm problem, then stopped. It could have just showed up for no reason. He said this was unlikely, since she had been on heart monitors for 5 months with no sign of this. We thanked him for coming to the memorial service. He said it was important for him to come, since in the beginning he was so pessimistic, and Abigail continually proved him wrong.

Basically, it was a fluke thing, a human tragedy.

We also stopped by the PICU to say hi to some of the nurses, so that was cool. We saw Bonnie and some other very special people. It was weird to be back there, but not too bad. Looking back at the pictures and thinking about everything that happened, we were so naive. Death was always around us, yet we didn't see it like that. Abby was our daughter. Yes, she had tons of tubes and wires, and everything else, but we saw past all that stuff. In a way, it was good that she was our first child. We didn't know kids could be any other way.

We went to a grief counseling support group last night for parents of babies who have died in infancy, still born, or miscarried. I think it was very helpful. We will continue to go. There were all types of people there. I could really find similarities in the different things that they all said, about their ordeals, their emotions, etc. One couple said they knew about Abigail because they worked in the Legacy Health System. Apparently, they send out emails when they have success stories and their patients are on the news. So that was cool.

Abigail's Song of Love

This is the song that we had sent for from the Songs of Love Foundation. We said we wanted a folk song. We filled out a form about what Abby liked, her pets, things she did, etc. We just got the CD in the mail. I have the lyrics, if anyone would like them. Check out their website: http://www.songsoflove.org/

Just push the play button.



I also got some new pictures sent from the Child Life person, Lynn. She had taken this when we went to say good bye to the nurses in the PICU the day we left the hospital.

If anyone would like to donate money to a charitable organization in memory of Abby, we suggest you donate directly to Emanuel. The Children's Hospital Foundation link is below:

http://www.legacyhealth.org/body.cfm?id=606

Thank you all very much.

Jenn and I donated a "Garden Brick." There is a really nice Children's Garden area at the hospital. We got a brick inscribed with Abby's name on it.

We had a beautiful service yesterday. Everything was perfect. We were amazed by all the doctors, nurses, therapists, and staff from the hospital that attended.

I'll try and load the slide show from the funeral on here sometime soon. This might be the last entry for a while.

Jill gave me a Buddhist quote that I'll always remember: When you have learned all you can learn, and when you have taught all you can teach, you pass on. I think this perfectly applies to our little Abby.

"Mommy Toes"

Tomorrow, we meet with a chaplain from the hospital, Jill James, who we asked to preside over the memorial service. In the afternoon, we will have a private viewing at the funeral home.

Many thanks to everyone that have sent messages of love and support. It's amazing to think about all the people that Abby has affected.

We are having a memorial service on Friday, April 11, at 3:00pm. There will be a reception following the service at our house. All are welcome.

Skyline Memorial Gardens & Funeral Home
4101 NW Skyline Boulevard
Portland, OR 97229

I have been trying to figure things out, and there is no answer. There was no way to predict what happened and once it did happen, there was nothing anybody could have done. We wouldn't have done anything differently. Abby was a beautiful little girl. She taught us so much about everything. Words cannot express the love we all feel.

In Loving Memory

I don't know how to start this, Greg and I are in complete shock, Abby passed away this morning. I was driving her to her 9am appointment and she stopped breathing, I pulled to the side of the road and gave her CPR and called 911. The paramedics took her to Emanuel and they did everything that they could but she did not make it. I can't tell you how much this hurts - she was home for 12 days and was doing awesome - there was no sign.
I wanted to write this right away to let you all know that Abby is the miracle baby - she touched us all and has taught us so much - please keep your loved ones close to you and thank you all for being our family and for loving Abby - she is an inspiration, continues to be a beam of hope and is our little angel.
We will let you know of services as soon as they are arranged.

The Jacoby Family

Tummy Time

We are were relaxing on our bellies today. Tomorrow, I have to go back to work full time. Jenn will be taking Abby to speech therapy. Hopefully, we can start attempting to bottle feed again.

Abigail "Talking"

She is wearing one of my favorite outfits!

Abigail and Mom went on a nice walk today. The weather was really nice. Abby enjoys the outside. We went to 70 ml for feeds during the day. She seems to be tolerating it just fine.

Also, Abby wanted to say Happy Birthday to her Nana!!!

Abigail, Ma, and me went on our first stroller ride this afternoon. I got some pictures, but then accidentally deleted them. Tomorrow is supposed to be nice, so we'll go out again. She really seemed to like it, although she didn't like the sun shining in her eyes. She fell asleep as soon as we got back. We continue to work on getting in some good tummy time.

Two nurses came by this morning. The first was the regular wound care nurse. She showed Jenn how to change the dressing. Everything is looking good. Abby weighed 4108 grams - just over 9 lbs. She has gained about an ounce a day since last Thursday - which is great. The second nurse was a Washington County community nurse. She will check her development next month and will help us with the many social services available.

Abigail is doing good. We got a vaporizer, which really seems to help her sleep even better at night. Tomorrow, we have some nurses coming over. Jenn is doing great. I was stressed a little, but am adjusting. Abby is helping me be more patient and not get frustrated so easily. She really is a good little girl. She gets fussy, then toots, then goes to sleep.

For some reason, my level of free time seems to have diminished quite a bit! Things that we were able to get done in a relatively easy and quick fashion, now take forever!

Abby is doing good. She really sleeps a lot - which is great. That lets her heal, recover, and grow. The feeding is going well. Her head and neck are getting stronger. Grandma gave her about an hour of belly time this afternoon.

Grandma flys back tonight. We are all going to see her off to the airport.

Abby is doing well. It is kind of hard being her nurse at times, but we are managing. Jenn's Mom has been a big help during this period of adjustment. We had to change her NG tube today because the ends of the old one were leaking. Jenn did it no problem. Abigail didn't like it too much. She has been sleeping fairly well during the night. It is good to see her get some much needed rest.

We have a nurse come in on Tuesday and Friday to change her dressing and check her overall well being. It is so good to see her here at home. We drove by the hospital and it is weird to know that she isn't there anymore. She is home, where she belongs. She is still recovering though. It's no where near a normal situation yet. But, she'll be fine. It's so much better than being in the hospital!